Families have to lay the groundwork of healthy relationships before they can achieve their maximum potential; they have to address the five dysfunctions. So what are those dysfunctions? Lencioni identifies them as: 1) absence of trust; 2) fear of conflict; 3) lack of commitment; 4) avoidance of accountability; and 5) inattention to results. Let’s take them one by one.

Americans like to identify health with “how I look.” Imagine the covers of most fitness or health magazines in the supermarket check-out lane. In these, “health” looks the same: low body weight, toned musculature, bright white teeth, all-over good looks. Health is attractive. But there is much, much more to health than eating right and exercising. In fact, in his research into the longest-lived groups of people around the world, longevity expert Dan Buettner identified 9 common attributes that these groups shared—and only one of them had to do with fitness, and three with food or drink. The rest of the “Power 9,” as Buettner calls them, have to do with having a sense of purpose, deliberate stress management, social connectedness and belonging, and rootedness in family.

Chances are, your family can already count many, many other families as “friends” or at least “acquaintances.” You’ve got a group of friends you’ve known since high school, who now have kids of their own, and maybe you get together once or twice a year; a group of fellow soccer or football or hockey parent friends; the families of your kids’ school classmates; maybe some in your church, or that you met while volunteering together, or at work, or who live next door. Many of these people may very well share your values—that’s why you’re friends in the first place. Like-minded people tend to find each other. You feel comfortable with them, and you know you can open up to them. These people have been there for you, and they’re crucial. But if you’re serious about achieving your family’s goals, you may want to consider actively seeking out families that share similar goals with which to share your journey.