Pass on Family Legacy
When you hear the word “legacy,” what comes to mind? You may think about actual, physical objects of some kind, like your grandmother’s china or your uncle’s favorite fishing pole. Or you may think of something more vague, like a collective set of memories or something-or-other called “family heritage.”
One Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of “legacy” is “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.” It can be a physical gift.
But research demonstrates that perhaps the most crucial component of legacy-building is storytelling.
“Storytelling?” you may wonder. “As in, reading books to my kids?” Not quite. Storytelling, in the family context, refers to the act of telling your kids your own family’s stories to help them grasp their family history. When your great-grandparents left it all to emigrate to a new country, or when your Great-Uncle Joe went to California in the Gold Rush, or even how you and your partner met.
It may seem odd, but these stories are all deeply important to children’s sense of belonging. Believe it or not, one study has even shown that children who know more about their family’s stories do better academically, emotionally, behaviorally, and socially than those who don’t know as much. They begin to see themselves as part of a larger family narrative, one in which they can make their own distinct mark.
You’re probably already creating a family legacy, without even realizing it. Have you told your kids where their grandparents met? Or the origins of their last name? Or about the job you held right out of school? These are all important components of family storytelling. FamilyWorks has a whole set of resources devoted to identifying, crafting, and then passing on your unique family stories, but a few tips can help you get started.
Do be intentional about sharing your family’s unique stories, and plan for what stories you want to share with your kids. Think about the stories that reinforce your family values, or stories about how your family overcame certain obstacles. “We’ve always been a family that values love and connection, son. There was a time when your mom was going to school full-time, and I was just starting out in a new job. We started to fight a lot. But we knew that loving each other was the most important thing, so we both made decisions to step back so we could be together more.”
Don’t shy away from the uncomfortable. Every family has some skeletons in the closet. It’s better for your kids to hear them from you then another family member, but even more than that, it’s better for them to hear about tragedies, hardships, or even personal failures and then hear about how your family dealt with them. Be conscious of what’s age-appropriate, but don’t refuse to answer questions point-blank.
Do make sure your kids know how they fit into the family story. “When you were only three years old, sweetie, your sense of adventure really started to blossom. We were so excited to watch you climbing up on the playground with the big kids, even if it did terrify us!”
Leaving a legacy may seem complicated, ephemeral, or like something only really rich or powerful families do. In reality, though, it’s for everyone, because every family has a unique family story to share, a particular set of experiences that bind them. So be intentional, be thoughtful, and start telling your own family’s stories to your children.