Launching Your Children
We all know the stereotype—the 30-something guy, unemployed, who lives in his parents’ basement and plays video games all day. He has no relationships, no prospects, and no desire to change. Nobody really wants to be that guy; and nobody wants to be his parents, either.
This stereotype may be an extreme, but the reality is that more and more Americans are living with their parents longer, or coming back for periods of time in young adulthood. Pew Research Center surveys find that Americans aged 25-35 are more likely to be living with Mom and Dad today than they were in previous generations. This is not in itself bad, but other research indicates that “emerging adults” (ages 18-25) also consume mental health services more than other groups, and struggle with more mood disorders and higher rates of anxiety and substance abuse. Something about the path to adulthood is proving difficult for young Americans.
How can you help launch your own children into stable, happy, socially responsible adults? Better yet, how can you prepare them to become amazing contributors to society who understand how they fit into the world and what special gifts they contribute? Believe it or not, the process of sending your children off starts as soon as you bring them home from the hospital; all of parenthood is really one big launch, organized around helping your children grow up. FamilyWorks has a whole section of resources dedicated to helping you launch your children, broken into age categories, but below are a few tips to help you get started:
Even as young as toddlerhood, help your kids learn how to do things versus doing it for them. Sure, it’s a lot easier to just keep dressing them and tying their shoes when they’re young. But when you let them take on these responsibilities as young as possible, they learn early on that they are capable, and can take pride in their work.
As they grow, don’t be afraid to give your kids chores! Research indicates that children benefit from having responsibilities at home. These benefits include developing an increased sense of efficacy and self-worth.
Allow your teens to spread their wings. It’s better for them to experience some hardships, failures, or setbacks now—when they still have you to lean back on—than when they leave the home. Be there as a resource, sounding board, and role model for them, but increasingly let them take chances on their own.
The first step to launching your children is to embrace the fact that “launching” doesn’t start when they’re 18. If you wait until then, you’ve missed the boat. Rather, preparing your children for launch starts immediately. If you put forth the effort into helping them “launch” into the new responsibilities associated with increasing age, they will be far more prepared to take those final steps into adulthood on their own.