Family and Spiritual Well-Being
C.S. Lewis, author of The Chronicles of Narnia and well-known Christian apologist, wrote once that the orthodox of any particular faith are more like each other than they are to those in their faith community who don’t really practice their faith. In Lewis’s words, “It is at her centre, where her truest children dwell, that each communion is really closest to every other in spirit, if not in doctrine.” Or, in other words, those who attend services regularly and commit to the tenets of their particular faith hold something in common with each other, even if their faiths are very different.
As it turns out, Lewis was on to something. Although self-identified religious affiliation doesn’t say much about your family’s well-being, regularly attending religious services does. Most of us have probably heard it said that religious people divorce at the same rate as non-religious, but it simply isn’t true. There’s a big difference, it turns out, between identifying as a member of a particular faith community, and committing to that faith enough to regularly attend services. One study found that those who attended regular services had a 47% less chance of divorce. Other studies have found slightly different percentages, but the finding is the same: Attending religious services greatly enhances your chances of staying married. Research also shows that such attendance is linked to higher emotional well-being in children and adolescents, better academic performance for children, increased marital quality for adults, and even better sex for married couples. For families, holding to a particular faith, and taking that faith seriously enough to attend regularly, seems to be hugely protective.
Being a practicing member of a faith community is also good for your health. In the Blue Zones project, Dan Buettner identifies “belonging” to a faith community as one of his nine crucial components to long life. In Buettner’s words, “All but five of the 263 centenarians we interviewed belonged to some faith-based community. Denomination doesn’t seem to matter.” Similarly, a recent Harvard University study found that women highly involved with their faith community “had a 33 percent lower risk of dying during the study period, and a lower risk of dying from cardiovascular disease and cancer.” Attending religious services was also related to better mental health. The author of the study found that his research didn’t “endorse one faith over another,” but did seem to indicate “that attending services does appear to have more benefit than private spiritual practice.”
In short, there is something about, as the author of the study just quoted indicates, “the communal religious experience and participation” that matters to physical health, mental well-being, and family cohesion. Why? There’s a lot of speculation on this. Is it because oftentimes, faiths that seem very different do nonetheless promote very similar types of behavior, and those behaviors have a protective effect? Or is it because having faith in a higher power reduces stress levels and gives purpose? All of these have been put forward as possible explanations, but the truth is that we don’t really know for sure.
How you as a family approach your spiritual life is of course a deeply personal issue, but all the research points to its importance. Whether you attend religious services of some kind, pray together (also associated with greater marital and family relationship satisfaction and trust), read faith texts, practice spiritual meditation, or some other practice, your family benefits from a disciplined, mindful approach to faith. Whatever it is, do it together, and probably even with other families. The research generally points to the fact that it is communal faith vs. a more individualistic, personal faith that confers a myriad of benefits. And be intentional about explaining to your children why you as a family do what you do. Do you pray together? Why? Do you go to church? Do you not? Do you not believe in any kind of higher power?
Whatever it may be, don’t let it coast by. Don’t let your “religious affiliation” be one thing, and your actual faith life another. A recent Pew Research Center report finds that 90% of Americans believe in a higher power, and yet, only 36% attend services weekly, with another 33% doing so periodically. It may be that the majority who don’t attend any kind of service don’t think it’s necessary, but again, be intentional about figuring this out. What do you believe, and why? And how do those beliefs about faith translate to the rest of your family? What rituals/practices do you want to engage in together?
Faith is one of the six segments of family health, and so whatever you believe, it is crucial to figure out how your beliefs translate to your individual practices and goals.