Prepare For a Life Transition
“It goes by so fast.”
Chances are that you’ve heard that phrase. Maybe it came from an older woman talking to a bleary-eyed new mom, or a dad of teens wistfully sighing to a younger man walking his son onto the Little League field for the first time. “Enjoy it,” they might say. “It goes by so fast.”
Families, just like individuals, have stages, and those stages involve any number of transitions. Courtship and marriage, the arrival of a first child, children’s adolescence—all can be described as life stages, defined by the tasks those stages require. These are all examples of natural, age-related transitions, but there are usually some other transitions along the way as well, like starting a new job, moving to a new house or new location, kids starting school or changing to a new school, and the list goes on.
So significant are these transitions that one University of Delaware source actually labels them “developmental crises.” Some of these transitions—marriage, childbirth—are sudden, while some are more gradual. Often, says this source, these transitions are viewed as “normal events,” which families aren’t prepared for because they don’t recognize how very life-altering a “normal” event can be and how much family stress it can cause.
“Everybody deals with this,” we may even tell ourselves. “Why can’t we handle it?”
The University of Delaware source continues, “To adjust to a development crisis, families often need to adjust family rules and roles to meet the new abilities of family members.”
The inability to transition to these new roles can be devastating for families—think of newly married couples who aren’t able to fully separate from mom and dad, or parents who treat their teens like they do their preschoolers.
But transitions don’t have to become crises. FamilyWorks offers a whole section of resources on how to prepare for transition instead of letting it catch you off guard, but there are a few key steps you can take to handle almost any transition.
1) First, understand the transition ahead of you and the challenges associated with it.
Knowledge is power, right? Knowing the natural life stages of a family (newly married, married with one child, welcoming more children, adolescence, etc.) and the tasks and challenges associated with each will go a long way. Instead of being astounded one morning with the realization that your pre-teen is, well, a pre-teen, start preparing yourself while your child is in late elementary school about what happens in middle school and beyond. Likewise, recognizing that your parents are getting older, and talking to them about what their plans are, will probably help reduce a great amount of stress for both of you as you think about future care responsibilities.
2) Educate yourself and your family about the stages ahead.
Before a transition, research it. There are tons of books written about any particular transition, and FamilyWorks can help you weed through the resources, but essentially, you’ll want to start prepping. Moving soon? Do some reading about the challenges a family faces upon a move. Kids nervous about starting a new school? Check out some kids books at the library that deal with the topic. Is your daughter facing puberty soon? Help her know where and how to access the products she needs.
3) Embrace the beauty of the transition.
“It goes so fast.” Yes, it does, but each new transition or life phase brings its own unique gifts as well as its own challenges. Whatever phase lies just behind you may have been great, but this new phase can be great, too, with just a little preparation. A newly married couple can rest in the security of marriage, instead of worrying that every unanswered text means the other person is no longer interested. Elementary school children are developing their own unique sense of humor. Teens are beginning to exercise increased responsibility. Enjoy those qualities and times, instead of merely wishing you could rewind the clock. Chances are that yes, you will miss some of what’s past, and it does go fast. But that doesn’t mean you need to be stuck in the past, and missing what’s in front of you right now.
Transitions can be rough, yes. But they can also be amazing opportunities for family growth and connection. With a little preparation, you can ensure that you’re prepared for the transition instead of letting it catch you off guard, and chances are, you’ll also be better prepared to enjoy it then, too.