Improve Family Mealtime
Most American parents approach meals together with a sense of fear, dread, or both.
They may have lovely images in their head of children cheerfully chatting while eating home-cooked quinoa with spinach. Kids respectfully answer questions about their day, while parents enjoy their meal and even chat about work. Everyone finishes what’s on their plate without grumbling. The whole family pitches in with clean-up, without being asked.
Reality is so different. Toddlers throw food; elementary-aged children whine about how much they actually have to eat; high-schoolers chew in silence. Everyone scatters at the first possible moment, leaving the mess behind. Or, even more commonly, American families don’t gather at all. Most Americans know that eating dinner (or some other meal) together is important, but on any given night less than half of American children sit down with their families to eat. Caregivers’ work schedules, kids’ extracurricular activities, or simply not wanting to make the effort are all reasons that we give for just giving up on family mealtimes.
Yet research shows that kids who eat dinner with their families at least three times a week are less likely to be overweight, eat healthier, perform better academically, engage in risky behavior (such as substance use) less, and feel closer with their parents.
Family dinners are also related to “fewer emotional and behavioral problems, greater emotional well-being, more trusting and helpful behaviors towards others and higher life satisfaction.” (Other research suggests that the benefits of “family dinner” actually carry over to any family meal together.) Even teenagers, who may seem to want nothing to do with their parents, secretly crave family together-time. Anne Fishel, cofounder of the Family Dinner Project, says that when asked whether they would rather eat meals with their parents or by themselves in front of a screen, 80% of teens choose their parents.
So how can you make your family mealtime work? What does it take to end the bickering and power struggles, and actually enjoy eating together? We have a whole section of resources on family mealtime in FamilyWorks, but a few tips will help you get started on the right foot.
First, don’t get stuck on “family dinner,” and don’t think you have to do it every night. You have to figure out what meals, and when, and how often, can feasibly work for your family.
Second, plan ahead. Know what days you will be able to eat together in any given week, and figure out what you’re going to eat and when you’ll prepare it.
And third, work on bringing the joy back into family mealtime. Make it special: set the table, light a candle, or play music. Decide beforehand on questions, topics of conversation, or even fun games to play while eating. Focus less on what you eat, and more on how you eat it together.
It doesn’t take much work to make family mealtimes a regular part of your life, and to usher in all the benefits that come with eating and spending time together. Just a little forethought can go a long way in helping you actually look forward to family mealtime, instead of dreading it.